24 Sep
2007
24 Sep
'07
6:47 p.m.
julien lociuro wrote:
Here is my try at composing a lyric, never done such thing before in
this fashion in a great while so please take it with a grain of
salt and you dont have to
use it if its crap, or doesnt fit your style, whatever.
A Wonderfull Day
I want to see your crystal eyes
Even knowing they are just a lie
A robotic sound might emphasize
The truth i share in my synthetic dice
No, no, no, you dont know
Knowing is not how you will find
The truth lies on a sober heart
And this my friend i dare to say
Lets make a perfect union
My sober heart and your crystal eyes
Spliced in one million bytes
Flowing trough a great river
Reaching grandma dad and son
I could go even further
Not today, nor tomorrow
let the time decides its way
Rest in peace a wonderfull day
Thanks. It looks good :-) Well, I cannot say I will use it. I will
meditate on it. I want to feel it and if it triggers emotions, then
I'll be able to try compose accordingly..
If I use it, the idea is that I want to make many versions with the
same lyrics..and share it with you..so you can say which one you
prefer or you think is more appropriate with the lyrics context..
--
julien
Julien,
This suggests something: If you've got a topic a theme or a story, or
even a category, post it and ask for contributions or edits. Sounds
like a Wiki. May not be the way the great composing duos and teams did
it, but it's 2007 1/2!
Actually, given a fairly like-minded group of people the result might be
coherent and unexpected at the same time. Even posting a fragment might
pop open a complete inspiration that heads off in a totally different
direction.
Here, I'll get you started, Mr. Phelps, should you choose to accept this
mission:
Concentric circles ripple,
In the fabric of your thoughts,
Just a tiny motive pebble,
From the depths of what we sought.
Now, to further illustrate...I AM AUTOWIKI - I changed "just" several
times, worked in "motive" and changed "sought." I could make the
point
even more strongly by bouncing off that little piece to something
perhaps related or traceable in some way but still very different,
however I'll pass on that demonstration.
In any event Julien, you can count on my contributions should you put
something up somewhere.
Frank
p.s One last thing - what popped into my mind to prompt those four
lines was - "we" imples a relationship, generally intimate heterosexual,
"sought" implies there is something desired and pursued, the whole
rippling impact on a body of thought prompted by this "motive pebble" as
a metaphor representing an event or initiator present within the
situation itself.
Problem here is it's way too easy to drop, no make that leap, off the
cliff of pretentiousness. Abstract is okay, obscure is still
acceptable, contrived has gone too far. All those lines are really
trying to say is "we were trying to make things happen between
ourselves, but after
something jarring occurred you, I, or we are feeling and thinking
differently." How the rest of this, and I really don't want to go too
far fleshing out something spontaneous that may have little merit, might
play out would be in images of explanation or argument, offering of
alternatives, a plea for consideration, whatever...